A Weekend Away

This past weekend I was in Palm Springs for 24hrs with a few of my girlfriends. It was my friend Susie's bachelorette party. Susie introduced Derek and I so she holds a special place in our heart. She is marrying a fantastic guy at the end of July and we couldn't be happier for her.

I had so many mixed feelings going into the weekend.
1. How can I leave her?
2. Will Derek be able to handle it?
3. I can't wait to have some time on my own.
4. I will be able to sleep through the night.

The list goes on and on. So the weekend went like this.

I got Maren up, dressed, fed and packed for a day trip to Folsom for her cousin Jason's 1st birthday. Dad and Maren were out the door at 10:00. I quickly dressed, packed and then had a bit of quality time with Griffin up in the hills before heading to the airport. (That was a serious reminder that I am completely out of shape. I was in better shape at 7 months pregnant than I am now.) As soon as I arrived at the airport, the tears began streaming down my face. I pulled it together upon arrival to Palm Springs.

That night, we had an awesome dinner at a great hotel and then some traditional bachelorette entertainment post dinner, lets just say I spent the remainder of the evening locked in a bathroom with a few friends frightened by what was taking place in the other room. At 1:30 things were beginning to settle down and I laid my head on the pillow for what I thought would be a fabulous night of sleep, nevermind the fact I was on a air mattress with a friend. Unfortunately, my lovely night of sleep didn't go as planned. I was up at 3:30 ready to hear a little cry and heat a bottle and again at 6:45. It was like clock work. I forced myself to stay in bed until 7:45 and then finally got up. After breakfast and chit chatting about the night, we each headed our own way home; and once again I found myself sitting in the airport crying. This time, I was a wreck. I spoke with Derek and he didn't think he was going to make it home before I got there. (He was attending another cousin's 1 yr b-day on Sunday). It made me so sad to think they wouldn't be there when I got home. All I wanted to do was hold Maren. So, I called Derek back in tears and asked him to hop in the car right then so they would make it. And thankfully when I drove up to the house, the car was in the garage and I couldn't have been happier.

While it was great to be with girlfriends, it was incredibly difficult to be away. However, I was thrilled about the fact that Derek and Maren had a great weekend together and she hardly missed mommy.

Photos from the Archive

Ok. . .I've been quite behind with downloading pictures off the camera and uploading to the blog. So this post is dedicated to photos over the last few months. This one is a shot of Maren on a road trip with daddy to her cousin's 1st birthday.

Celebrating another cousin's birthday, Sara 10 yrs old, at the Elephant Bar.

At yoga class with her new best friend Serena, her nanny share partner.

Family photo time on Mother's Day.

Me, mom, Maren and Jody on Mother's Day

Me and my baby girl on Mother's Day

Peyton and Maren on a visit with the Maxfields

Tucker and Jamie Maxfied, friends of many years meeting Maren.

Visiting my Grandma Roark at her nursing facility

Grandma holding Maren for the first time.

New Maren Photos

I just received these and love them. We did a second round of photographs intended to look like it was all from the same session. This is Derek's Father's Day gift. So, it was suppose to be a session with just the two of them, but the photographer decided to throw me into a few too. I didn't exactly prepare for that, so I don't love my shots. But who cares. . .she steels the shot anyway.

Go to: www.collages.net
under guest dialogue box put:
username: Lindgren 2
password: 5109

Enjoy!

Shana

Good Bye May

Ok. . .May went by just as quickly as April, but thankfully with a bit less emotion.

It started out with first Mother's Day. It was a really strange feeling to think of myself as a mother on that day. I think at times I have a hard time associating myself with the concept of mom, but with each day I feel more and more like a mom. We had our mother's over and Derek made breakfast for all of us. Jody and Derek's sister Kerri and the girls were with us too. It was a really nice day. And Derek and Maren got me a beautiful necklace to help me remember the day forever.

The night before Mother's Day, my mom watched Maren and Derek and I had a little date night. We went to a great restaurant in Oakland. Our reservation was at 8:15 and as much as I enjoyed being out alone with Derek, all I could think about was going home and getting in bed. It was really sad. Hopefully I'll have a bit more energy for our next date night.

Next. . .our house was under construction for 2.5 weeks. That was a total disaster. Maren, Griffin and I all had to be out of the house. I think Griffin had the hardest time with it. Towards the end, I just couldn't take leaving the house anymore, so we would hang around the house as long as we could before it got too loud. But, with every noise that was made, Griffin would go around barking at the floor (work was being done on our foundation). Thankfully Derek's mom, Kathi let us all come over and hang out at her house. The one down fall to this was I was without internet the entire time. The great part about it was Maren and both had great naps each day while we were there. We did have one little adventure to Stockton to visit a great friend from college, Ann, and her daughter Carly. While we were there we went to story time at the library and Maren loved watching all the kids and listening to the stories. We had a great time in Stockton! But, lets hope we don't have to go through anymore construction. It ended as all construction projects end. . .taking twice as long and costing twice as much as originally quoted.

In the middle of all of this, we had our second wedding anniversary, May 19th. It was on a Tuesday. Kerri watched Maren for us and we headed out to dinner at a local restaurant we hadn't previously tried. Apparently they are known for their duck, so Derek had the duck. I can't say I'm a fan of duck, so I passed on it and had quail. The meal was fantastic. The wine was amazing; and we had a really nice time together. Thankfully we both made it through dinner without yawning. :) We were actually the last ones to leave the restaurant. It was on this day that I was finally able to give Derek the professional photos I had taken of Maren and I. We shot them a month prior and it was killing me not to show them to him. They turned out so well. If you haven't seen them, take a look here.

1. Go to: www.collages.net
2. under guest dialogue box put:

• username: Maren
• password: 5109

And then we move on to the great nanny hunt. Wow. . .what a wild process. We started out thinking we were going to get a nanny to watch Maren on her own. After a bit of research and one interview, we quickly realized it was going to cost as much as our mortgage to do that. So, then I started looking into nanny shares and it turned out a mom in my yoga class was doing the same thing. We connected and everything started to fall into place from there. We received great recommendations from friends and neighbors on nannies and started the joint interviewing process. I felt like I was back at work going through all of it. And after a few emotional break downs and some great advice from my dear friend Jamie, we finally settled on things on Friday. I'm really happy with our decision; and I'm thrilled to have it out of the way.

Now. . .I can sit back and enjoy a lazy June with hopefully a lot less activity and more simple mommy and Maren time. Because this is our last month before I'm back to work.

And I know it's lame I haven't posted pictures. I've got a ton of them, I just need to download them and I've been lazy about that. I promise to get on it soon.

Where did April Go?

My last post was on April 1st. I can describe the month with two words: overwhelming and emotional. And that is why I just couldn't bring myself to keep up with the blog. I'm hoping I'm back on track though. So. . .what happened in April?

It started with a trip to Tahoe. The first road trip with baby can always be a bit overwhelming. You're not sure what you will need, so you end up packing everything under the sun. It was a good weekend. But, it was a quick reality that life is not the same. And I knew it wasn't going into the situation, but it wasn't until I was in the moment that I knew how I'd feel about it. It was sort of a saying good-bye to my previous reality.

When we returned from Tahoe, Derek got the flu and was sick for a solid week. He was under quarantine at the front of the house and Maren and I were at the back of the house. I was on 24x7 every day because we didn't want the baby to get sick. It was a hard week. That weekend was Easter and we had planned to drive to the OC to spend it with my mother. I told Derek I had to go even if he was too sick. I would go without him because I wanted to be with my mom so I could have a small break. He didn't want me driving alone, so he bucked up and headed down there with me. It was a great weekend and it felt so good to be around my mom and know that Maren was in good hands as I caught up a bit on sleep.

While Derek was sick, we called the pediatrician to see what could be done to help her from catching the flu. They said the best thing for her was breast milk. So, the issue of breastfeeding resurfaced. And I was back on a mission to make it work. This began a long line of appointments with accupunturist, chiropractor, doctor etc. I had to drink terrible drinks with Chinese herbs, baking soda and water, liquid iron, dark beer. . .it goes on and on. Nothing was really helping though and my frustration and disappointment began to mount.

During this time, I also discovered the reason my belly was still quite big is because I have an umbilical hernia, which basically means my abdominal muscles are unable to come back together; therefore, my organs are falling forward. This led to more doctor appointments. My case is pretty severe and should most likley be treated with surgery, but I've decided to try to solve the problem with physical therapy before going under the knife.

These things have led to feelings of sadness and anger towards my body. I feel like I'm broken and it was been a hard struggle trying to overcome these feelings. I had a long cry last Sunday, which I think was good for me; and this week has been a much better week. I've decided I'm cutting back on the appointments. I'm letting go of breastfeeding and I'm going to focus on Maren and the two months I have with her before returning to work.

Which leads me to another focus that started at the end of April, the search for a nanny. How do ever find someone that you trust with your child? A person that, much to my sadness, will spend more hours with my child than me. We have our first interview tonight. We'll see how that goes. My guess is it is going to lead to another round of very strong emotions. I think going back to work is going to be incredibly difficult for me. But it is something that is needed for now.

The month ended with the death of my cousin Nancy. She died of a pulmonary embolism. It was sudden and very sad.

So on that note. . .I'm saying good-bye to April. I'm welcoming May with open arms. I'm pulling myself out of mode of depression over my body. And I'm just going to enjoy every moment I have with Maren.

And Happy 1st Mothers Day to Me. I know everyone that is a mother already knows this, but something indescribable changes within you when you become a mom. And as I watch this precious little being sleep next to me, I can't imagine anything more special or rewarding

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there.

Adventures with Maren

She has been sleeping for an hour. I've gotten dressed, did some laundry, paid a few bills and had some lunch. She's still sleeping. . .few. So, now I have some time to update the blog.

Maren and I have been going on little adventures the past two weeks during the day. I have to be honest, I was terrified to go anywhere with her on my own. It required a scheduled appointment to actually get me out of the house. The first adventure was on the 19th. We had a full afternoon. We were going to my office for lunch in San Francisco and then heading to my facial appointment. I think she knew I was nervous about this because she cooperated so well. Everything was timed just right and we made it out the door on time. She was fantastic with everyone at the office and didn't make a peep while we were there. They were very impressed and I was wondering if this was really my child. :) She was a little fussy at the facial, but that was ok. She was hungry. Since that day went so well, we decided to go have lunch with my friend Megan the next day. That was also a success. She slept the entire time. After those two outings, my confidence is up and we try make it out of the house once a day.

One thing I have discovered through these adventures is my stroller is not always the best. I have the BOB stroller. On many fronts, it is fantastic; however, it's big and bulky. So, it is too big to maneuver in some places. I've decided to break down and buy another stroller to help with this situation. Our adventure yesterday was hitting the baby store to make that purchase. I also picked up a travel crib and car bottle warmer. We're headed to Tahoe this weekend and then down to Orange County the following weekend. Keep your fingers crossed that these big adventures go well.

A few photos of Maren

Happy Birthday Derek

I'm so far behind with blog posts. It's difficult to find a spare minute for entries. But this one is needed.

Derek's birthday was on Thursday, March 26th. Happy 32nd B-day baby! He worked from home and spent the day preparing our backyard for a BBQ we held on Saturday. And on Thursday night we went out for a great dinner at a local restaurant that we love. Sara watched Maren and it was really nice for the two of us to get out of the house and spend some time with one another. Thank you Sara.

--On the back yard front, we had turf installed. It is fantastic and looks great. I highly recommend it. It requires no maintenance and has a 25 year life span. It's a little pricey, but if your yard isn't gigantic, I encourage you to look into it. And we purchased patio furniture. Derek found this little local company online and it turns out the owners live in our neighborhood and have connected us with a baby-sitting coop that has been around for 40 yrs in our little community. Yeah!!--

As for the BBQ, I think everyone had a great time. I was in charge of taking pictures and typical to my usual picture taking approach, I took zero photos. It's really sad. I've got to start being better about that. My excuse though is that I had the baby in my arms and when I didn't I was either eating or getting things for people. Thankfully Derek realized I had failed with my task and he snapped a few shots. We took on the task of supplying all the food, which is how we usually handle things, but we've decided now that we have Maren, it's potluck time. Derek did the vast majority of the work and thankfully my dad and Jody were here to help him.

And today is Jody's final day in Oakland. We'll be sad to no longer have him close by, but he's doing what is right for him and will enhance to career. Good luck Jody!

Here are a few photos of the BBQ and updated shots of Maren. (I'm posting this without the photos because the battery on my camera has been dead for a few days and I keep forgetting to charge this. I wrote the blog post on Sunday and it keeps sitting here waiting for photos. I'll add the photos shortly. The battery is now charging.)

Maren's Firsts

Maren's First Day Home Alone With Mom (Mar 9th)

Maren's First Bath (Mar. 7th)

Pre- First Bath (Mar 7th)

Maren's First Doc Appt. (Feb 20th)

These are a few shots of Maren's first experiences. We're having a lot of fun getting to know one another and experiencing all of these new exciting things together. We were at the pediatrician yesterday and she's finally gaining weight like she needs to. She's up to 9 lbs. I'm starting to see the beginnings of a little fat roll on her leg. Too cute.

Hungry Baby

Today marks my final day of having Derek at home with me to help with Maren. A week ago, I wasn't sure I was prepared to handle it on my own, but today I'm feeling much more confident. Maren has had unusual infant behavior the past few weeks. She has only been sleeping about 10 hours a day. Yesterday, between the hours of 7:00 am and 9:00 pm, she slept for two hours. And she has been a bit fussy throughout the day. She hasn't lasted for more than 15 minutes in her bassinet, swing or bouncy chair, which means she has been spending most of her time in my arms. Today things are different. . . thank goodness. And what we discovered is she just hasn't been getting enough to eat.

It was a struggle getting my milk to come in after all the trauma of the labor. And now that it is in, I'm just not producing enough. The lactation consultants told me to try and keep her at my breast during the day and just supplement with formula at night. So, that's what we have been doing. But it just hasn't worked. She hasn't been gaining enough wait and she's not sleeping. I've been upset about my milk situation, but I've finally come to terms with the fact she is going to primarily be a formula baby. So, the formula has been flowing today. She was able to spend about 45 minutes in her swing and she actually asleep right now. . .few.

Thankfully she has been a good night sleeper. I think that's because she's so exhausted from not sleeping during the day. So, we'll see how she does tonight.

And I seriously need to get much better about taking pictures. I think I'm going to set a goal to take a picture a day beginning next week. I need a good one for the birth announcements.

A Birth Story - Maren Lindgren

(Please note this is my documentation of the birth. Apologies if it's a little too much info for you.)

Maren Christine Lindgren entered the world on February 16th at 2:40 pm. She weighed 7lbs 15.5oz and was 21 inches long.

Her arrival began on Sunday the 15th around 7:00 pm. Derek and I had spent the day with Cindy and Rick after going to a quick hospital appointment because my blood pressure had been too high the past few days. Leaving the hospital, they said I wasn't dilated at all, so we assumed we still had a long road a head of us. I was in desperate need to be out of the house, so Cindy and I walked around the mall for a few hours and then hit a friends house aftwards, where I ate some very spicy chili. Two hours later, I was in labor.

Derek and I were planning to celebrate our Valentine's Day that evening. The night before I was too sick, I had a terrible cold. So, Derek started making dinner when we got home from SF. Around 7:00 I was sitting there and felt a sudden gush and thought oh my goodness, I think my water broke. And a few minutes later my mucus plug came out. So, I was pretty positive she was on her way. I called the hospital. They told me to eat dinner and then head to the hospital. Derek had made this fantastic meal and neither one of us were really able to eat it. We got down what we could and headed across the bridge into SF. It was pooring down rain.

We arrived at the hospital around 9:00 pm. We were put in our birthing room and ended up with the room with an amazing view of the city, which was great to look at the next morning. Contractions started coming pretty strong while we were in the car and just progressively picked up from there. Nicole arrived around 10:00 and began helping me through them. My plan going into this was to have a natural birth. I had two things working against me with this. First, I had a bad cold and hadn't slept well the past few nights. Second, I am not a night person at all, so doing things in the middle of the night is not easy for me. I spent my time with contractions in the tub, on an exercise ball and in the bed. As the night went on, my contractions increased in intensity and frequency. Frequency became the real problem. I had almost continual contractions with no more than 30 seconds rest in between. After about 6 hours of contractions, I couldn't take it any longer and thought if I could only sleep for a little while, maybe I can get through this. So, I opted for a pain drug that lasts for an hour. Well, I ended up with 4 more of these. Each one I took worked a little less and by the last one, it lasted for about 15 minutes. At around 3:30 am my mom arrived. She drove all the way from Orange County through the middle of the night. It was really great to have her there. Early in the morning, I finally gave in and decided to take the epidural. This allowed me to go to sleep for an hour or so and get ready to push. Derek, Nicole my mom and I all worked to push through each contraction. Things seemed to being going well and the nurse originally thought I should be able to push her out in about an hour and a half. However, unlike my contractions earlier in the evening, when I started to push my contractions started to spread out quite a bit to the point where they were almost 5 minutes apart. So, the progress we made with each push retracted during the time between contractions. After 3 hours of this, a team of doctors came in and told me I had 3 options. 1. Push for another hour and if she's not out, move to an assisted delivery. 2. Go straight to assisted delivery. 3. Go straight to a C-Section. And the head resident stated she thought it would take me another 3 hours to push her out on my own and she wouldn't let me go that long. The nurse who had been with me all morning, Heidi, had stepped out to grab some food right before the doctors came in. I really trusted her and wanted her opinion but she wasn't available. So, Derek and I agreed we would move forward with the assisted birth. As they were about to wheel me into the operating room, I had this overwhelming feeling I was making the wrong decision. And nurse Heidi walked in the door and I could see it in her eyes that she thought I could have done it without the assist. But, the decision had been made and off we went.

The operating room was overwhelming. There were about 20 people in the room, doctors and nurses. They put me on a super narrow table, I have no clue how larger people fit on this thing. Derek came it. I had a total meltdown. There was all this commotion. Nurse Heidi came over and calmed me down. She said we were going to push on the next contraction and so I did and in a matter of 3 pushes, Maren came into the world. It took about 3 minutes. She cried immediately and I knew she was ok. They brought her over to Derek and I. I was able to give her a kiss and then they took her off to the nursery and Derek went with her. Unfortunately, my placenta didn't want to come out, so I stayed in the O.R. The doctors waited 30 minutes for it and then made the decision to manually remove it. Even with the manual removal, it didn't really want to come out. So, an hour and a half after the deliver, I was finally coming out of the operating room having lost a lot of blood and feeling really bad.

But the instant I was able to hold her, I forgot about all of that and just focused on being with her. She was beautiful and super alert.

I will end my story there. Recovery week is something I'd prefer to block out of my memory. I would not have survived it without Derek and my mom.

But now I can say being a mommy is a new, amazing, challenging and wonderful experience.

Better Late than Never

I have finally made a wedding album! We're coming upon our two year wedding anniversary in May, so I thought it was about time. We had great photographers, but the deal we cut was that we would receive digital copies of all the photos and could do what we wanted with them. It did not include them putting together the album. I was really good about framing and album creation for family, but just never really got around to it for us. I'm happy that they're finally together though. Here are two of my favorite shots. The first one, I should probably be ashamed of because no bride should be tossing back beers quite like I did that night, but I had so much doing it! I had the time of my life at our wedding and I think that photo represents it well. And the other photo is a sweet photo that I just really like.

My next task, going through all my Cooking Light Magazines, I have a lot of them, and cutting out the recipes I want to keep.

Side Note: We purchased the CRV last night. Now we own 3 cars. Hopefully the Subaru will be sold this weekend.

Am I in Labor?

This seems to be a question I'm asking myself pretty often lately. And last night, I was confident it was happening. I was having pretty strong contractions about every 3 minutes that lasted about 30 seconds. This went on for about an hour and a half. I wasn't 100% confident though because I haven't lost my mucus plug nor had any leaking or bleeding. So after the hour and a half, I decided to call the hospital to see if these things needed to have happened in order for me to truly be in labor. The nurse said no. So I hung up thinking ok. . .maybe this is the real thing. And to my dismay, I didn't have another contraction after hanging up the phone with the nurse. So, I'm back to patiently waiting for the baby to make her appearance. I keep telling her I'm ready when she's ready.

Kid Mobile

This is the car I've had since November of '02. I needed a snow car while living in New Hampshire, so this is what I bought. This car has been great; and Derek and I thought it would make a solid family car too. Much to our surprise, when we went to have the car seat installed, it turns out this isn't such a great family car. The car seat wouldn't fit in the middle of the back seat, so it has to sit behind the passenger seat, which would not be that big of an issue except, the passenger seat has to be all the way forward with the seat back straight up in order for it to fit. This basically makes the front passenger seat inoperable. So, we spent the weekend car shopping. Car shopping while 39 weeks pregnant is pretty interesting. We lugged the car seat and stroller with us everywhere we go to make sure we don't run into this issue with the new car we purchase too. Our requirements for a vehicle: all wheel or four wheel drive so we can get to Tahoe, enough room for baby stuff, leather seats so it's easy to clean up messes, space for the dog when we go on road trips and good gas mileage. And we'd prefer to not spend a ton of money because the car is likely to get thrashed by kid(s). We've discovered our requirements rule out quite a few vehicles. So, we've narrowed things down to either a Honda CRV or a Subaru Forrester. I'm sold on either one, so from here on out, it's up to Derek to work his magic and see where he can get the best deal. And I'll sadly say good-bye to my WRX.

Maren's Room

As you will recall, we started working on Maren's room back in December. It has been a bit of a process, but we're now at the point where we are doing all the finishing touches. Curtains and pictures need to be hung, but beyond that, we're in good shape. Because we have a two bedroom house, I still needed space for guests, so the room is a nursery and can accommodate two others. Here are a few shots of the room. I was really shooting to avoid pink and brown because it is everywhere right now. But because it is everywhere, it was pretty much impossible to avoid. So, we went with brown, green and a hint of pink.

And this is her exploding closet. Mom has had to keep a few things in there, but I think I'm going to have to find somewhere for this stuff pretty soon.

And since I had been working at home, I decided to get all of her clothes and bedding washed. I spent a lot of time doing this. And then my mom arrived and informed me you can't use regular detergent on baby clothes, so I had to start all over again. I am finally finished. I'm sure I'm going to run into a hundred other things I start to do and discover it shouldn't be done that way; and I'll have to start all over. Oh the things I have to learn. Good thing I'm headed to a surviving the first two weeks with baby course tonight.

The Man Weekend

Over Martin Luther King Jr. weekend, Derek held a man weekend in Tahoe. He had friends from the Bay Area, Canada and Arizona come to participate. They had a ton of fun; and he came home saying men are disgusting when women aren't around, so they next time they're going to invite at least one girl. We'll see when that next time happens. :)

A few days before he left, I had a doctor appt. I was pretty confident the baby had dropped and sure enough they confirmed she had dropped and things were starting to look like she may arrive soon. So, Derek was very nervous about leaving me, but snow was not in the forecast, so I knew if anything happened, he could make it back in time.
With that being said, I was still a little nervous about being home along. I made Jody stay with me Thursday and Friday night. But, I was going to be solo on Saturday.

Saturday afternoon, I went to get my hair done and then Jody and I grabbed lunch together. While we were eating, I saw this kid that looked really familiar walk by the window and then a man that really looked like my mom's boyfriend and the next think I knew my mom, Ron and kids were standing in front of me. Let me just say a sigh of relieve came over me because I no longer had to worry about anything because my mom would be there if anything happened. It was the firs time the kids had been to SF, so I tried my best to be a good tour guide, although I didn't move very quickly. Here they are at the Golden Gate Bridge. Jody was the photographer and I took a nap in the car. It was a beautiful day in San Francisco.

Day 1 - Maternity Leave

Here I am. . .12 more days to go. . .lets hope she arrives in less than that. :)

Today is my first official day of maternity leave. What a strange feeling. I don't have to go to work until July! I can hardly believe it. For my wedding, I took one month off of work. Beyond that, I've never had more than 2 weeks off since I graduated college, which will be 10 years ago this May. This is a much needed time away from the office.

The last two weeks I've struggled a bit with being at home. My life has been on such a routine that the lack of routine really caused me to quickly lose motivation to do anything. So, my grand thoughts of updating my blog regularly went out the window. When I wasn't working or in a meeting, I was napping or watching TV. I was the ultimate couch potato. It was truly pathetic; and I've decided completely unacceptable. So, no more couch potato ways. I've got a list projects that I've wanted to complete for a while and require limited physical activity. So, between now and when the baby is born, I will have myself on a schedule to complete these tasks and will not start my morning with the Today Show, followed by View, then some news, Martha Stewart, Dr. Phil, Oprah, etc. It is disturbing how much time can go by in front on the television.

One of today's tasks is catching up on what has happened around our house over the last two weeks. So read on. . .

(Side Note: If my belly doesn't stop itching I'm not sure what I will do. It's driving me a little insane. I'm assuming it's happening because my belly is stretched beyond belief and my skin just can't take it anymore. And it looks super disgusting. My brother touched it the other day and completely freaked out. It's so hard and slick.)

Working From Home

I've officially become a telecommuter for the remaining weeks before I go on maternity leave. This started last week. I love it and hate it all at the same time.

Why I love it:
- If I want to, I don't even have to get out of bed to work. (Which means I don't have to shower, get dressed, put on make-up or anything.)
- NO COMMUTE. . .NEED I SAY MORE.
- When I have 15 minutes of down time in between meetings or not enough time to actually accomplish a task for work, I can update my blog!
- I can sleep in, which ordinarily I wouldn't even be able to do, but I've been super tired lately.

Why I hate it:
- I've looked terrible for the last week. One day I completely forgot to brush my teeth. I hope Derek doesn't think this is my new mommy look. He may begin looking elsewhere if that is the case. :)
- I have been spoiled having breakfast and lunch prepared for me at work. Now I have to figure out what to eat and actually fix it for myself. And I need to try and make sure it's healthy. I don't like this. And it takes too much time.
- I need some people interaction! This could drive me nuts. I feel a little like a caged animal.
- I look around the house and think of all the things that need to be done, but I can't really do them. So, I add them to Derek's chore list. Derek is ready to throw my chore list out the window.

What I've learned:
- I can not be a permanent telecommuter. Maybe a day or two a week might work, but I could not do this every day, all the time. I feel like a recluse.

Information Overload

When you are pregnant, there are about a million different informational books you can read about conceiving, being pregnant, birthing, etc. It really can be overwhelming. I have a stack of books people have been kind enough to give me, but to be honest, it's too much. You really could spend all of your time obsessing about it; and in the end, your body is going to do what your body wants to do.

Throughout my pregnancy, I've been attending a prenatal yoga class in Oakland. And honestly, I think this is what has prepared me the most in the end. My instructor was a L&D nurse for a number of years and has now moved into practicing yoga and working with mommies and mommies to be. I really trust her. She held a 3 hr workshop on birthing yesterday that Derek and I attend. Call me crazy, but this picture reflects my take aways. And this is what will get me through this.

- We are mammals. No other mammals read books to prepare for birth. It happens naturally and the body knows what to do. Listen to your body.

- Fear is the enemy. Fear creates anxiety and when your mind feels anxious, your body responds to protect you from that which you are anxious or fearful. Do not fear birth, it will make things more difficult. Embrace what your body is doing and know that it is helping you see your baby.

- Gravity is your friend. Everything that is taking place with your body is flowing downward. Gravity will naturally help with this process. So, don't lay down out the gate. It will only slow you down.

- Remove any negative energy from the room. If someone or something doesn't feel right, change it.

People keep asking me if I'm afraid. And I'm truly not afraid. At some point in time, likely over the next 33 days, I'm going to have a baby. It will be the most intense physical and emotional experience I've had in my life. And I can't wait!

Baby Shower

On Saturday, my girlfriends threw me a baby shower. It was a great event. They of course did a fabulous job decorating and preparing food for the event. Megan was gracious enough to open up her home to us, even though she's getting married in one month; and I'm sure she has a million other things to be doing.
Cindy made beautiful flower arrangements and her famous cupcakes, which were fantastic and I of course had to indulge in two. Krista had fun games for us to play. We had to associate a child with it's celeb daddy. I was terrible at this and it re-enforced the fact that I don't watch enough trash TV or read the gossip rags. Maybe I need to be more in touch with pop-culture--kind of a wild concept considering my job at YouTube is all about pop-culture. Maybe I'm in the wrong job. :)
Thank you to everyone that put in all the hard work to pull this off. I really appreciate it and had a wonderful time. And thank you to those that ventured up to the North Bay to share the afternoon with me.

Here are a few pics from the day. (I don't know why they're so small and I don't have the patience to fix them.)

Belly Update

Ok. . .I've been a bit behind with the belly updates. So, I'm consolidating the Nov and Dec views. the first shot is on Thanksgiving. My dad and I are comparing our belly sizes. I think he has me beat. :)



And here I am on Christmas morning.

At this point in time, I'm feeling large. I'm really not too sure how it is possible to get any bigger; and clothes as becoming an issue. I'm not fitting into my maternity clothes. Derek's clothes are looking pretty appealing to me. I've taken over his fleece jackets. And shoes, forget about them. While I was still a little stylish at Thanksgiving in my boots, Crocs and Ugs are now my new found friends; and the only thing I can get my feet into.

I started taking antenatal tests, fetal stress tests on Xmas Eve. And they discovered I'm having a few too many contractions. So, I'm in taking it very easy mode, which believe it or not is difficult to accomplish. It's funny, I use to watch my mom and she could never sit still and just relax. She was always up doing something. It really annoyed me. But I watch myself now and I am totally in that mode. Every time I sit down, I think of the 100 things I should be doing instead of sitting. So, it's been a tough transition. Not to mention, TV is terrible and I think I become less intelligent every time I turn on the TV. I find myself watching episode after episode of Law and Order (although, that's not really a new thing for me) or Locked Up. Derek isn't thrilled with my interest in Locked Up. I blame it on growing up in Corcoran.