Happy 10 months Chili Bean

A picture will be posted shortly. . .I am at work.

Today is Maren's 10 month birthday. And here are a few fun facts about her.

1. She weighs 22.44lbs and is 29 inches long. This is in the 90th percentile so most people think she is about 15 months old when they see her.
2. She is crawling all over the place. And for some reason to loves to toilet, which is disgusting. If the door is not closed and she heads towards the bathroom, she will turn on jet speed when she hears to coming after her.
3. She is a professional at lifting herself up to a standing position. She can hold on with one hand and walk around a bit when holding onto things. And on occasion she is able to stand without hands. She's going to be off and running before we know it.
4. She loves french fries. And anything else that is on her mamas plate. She has said good-bye to baby food.
5. Her favorite word is baby. And she loves to see pictures of herself and say baby.
6. She is still addicted to her pacifier. But that's ok.
7. She finally has a tooth and one more is on its way.
8. We are discovering her skin is quite sensitive and gets very ready with many things touch it.
9. She likes to give kisses.
10. And she especially likes to give herself kisses in the mirror.

We love you baby girl.
Mommy

Griffin - We miss you

Griffin moved into our little apartment with us a few weeks back. But, he has since had to be sent to grandma's house. Apartment living just really did not work for him. This is probably mainly our fault. But it is also the case that his breed is a very active breed. And being confined in an apartment just is not something he is use to. What he is use to is slightly larger living quarters with instant access to a backyard via a dog door. Griffin knows not to go to the bathroom in the house. And he has shown he knows this through multiple visits at friends and families homes that do not have dog doors. But they have always had a yard and a fence. So, with a quick open of the door he was able to hang out outside and do his business; and we were able to continue on with ours. In the apartment, it requires a lot of effort on our part, especially at night when we are ready to just go to bed. To make matters worse, we were not aware that turkey makes dogs sick. And we overstuffed Griff with turkey on Thanksgiving. So he had serious stomach problems for a few days after. Because of this, the Sunday after Thanksgiving we loaded him up and off he went to grandma's to hang out with uncle Spark and his dog door. Every day I come home and feel terribly guilty about this. I know he has more space, a friend to play with and he is well cared for by Kathy and Randy. But we all miss him, including Maren. He has another week out there; and then I plan to pick him up and bring him back with us. I'll be off work for the remainder of the year; and hopefully we'll have a new home to take him to after that. Poor Griffy. He has had to deal with a ton of change during this whole house process. He must be so confused. I'm sorry buddy. You'll be home soon. And then we might get you a friend.

She's on the Move

Maren decided to really take off crawling the weekend we moved out of our house. It was perfect timing. :) She was filthy after a day of crawling around all over our house pre-final cleaning.

And once she started, she hasn't stopped. She is all over the place and into everything. It is super cute to watch, but man you can't take your eye off of her for a minute. When you do, you find her in situations like this. . .

- Sitting chewing on Griffins bones or toys
- With a lamp plug pulled out of the outlet and in her mouth
- Playing daddy's guitar
- Tearing apart mommy's magazines
- Playing in Griffin's food and water
- Touching the toilet
- Pulling stuff out of mommy's purse

Lesson learned, don't leave her alone unless she is secured in a location without anything dangerous. We have to quickly Maren proof the apartment.

Good Bye 1397 Barrows Rd

Well. . .it is official, we no longer live at 1397 Barrows Road.

We moved out the weekend before Thanksgiving. It was 72 hrs of moving. How we pulled it off is beyond me. We wouldn't have pulled it off without the help of my dad, brother and Kerri. Somehow, we placed 80% of our house inside a 16x8x10 container. The other 10% went to a furnished apartment we are living in in Oakland. And the other 10% ended up in Sara's backyard. Too bad it's not summer, they've now have plenty of patio furniture and bbq's to have a great party.

So why didn't we go to Dublin to stay with Derek's mom? We really couldn't face the commute. It was going to be hard on all of us. And fortunately we found a place to accommodate us and Griffin at the last minute. It is a one bedroom furnished apartment. It has a lot of closet space, so thankfully I've been able to stuff a lot of things in there. The unfortunate part of the situation is within a week, we quickly discovered Griffin isn't cut out for apartment living. And he has had to go stay with Derek's mom, Kathy indefinately. Poor guy. We're sad without him, but he has a lot more space there, access to outside anytime he wants it and a great companion with their dog Spark.

Patience is already wearing thin trying to hold out for our new house. We'll see how long we last. Hopefully we get some news soon. Otherwise, we need to move to plan B.

This seriously ranks pretty high on the moments of stress in Shana's life scale. But when I really start to lose it, I stop and think about all of the families out there without homes or living in smaller spaces than we have without proper living facilities. And I realize my situation really isn't that bad. I am in the fortunate position to be able to choose where I live on my own terms. I am greatful for that. And I will have a new home when all the stars align.

Maren is 9 months old

Today is Maren's 9 month birthday. How is that possible? And through all of this craziness, I almost forgot.

Maren said her first word other than dada or mama Saturday evening. I was reading her favorite little book peekaboo puppy and at the end it says peekaboo baby. And after I said baby. . .she said baby. And we did it a few more times to confirm I was not hearing things. She was for sure saying baby and associating the picture with baby. It was amazing.

She amazes me on a regular basis. She is so strong. How is this little 20lb creature able to do the things she can do. She can move a full plate with one little finger.

She loves exploring food. And she is a good eater. She loved trying new fruit while we were in Hawaii; and pineapple seemed to be a big hit with her. She likes to hold food and put it in her mouth herself. And even though she has no teeth, she likes to try and bite off pieces of food.

And she loves electronics, especially cell phones. And even better is a cell phone with her picture on it. She loves to look at pictures of herself; and she likes to look at herself in the mirror.

She has been trying really hard to crawl. She has been scooting backwards for a while and she finally had her first official crawl today.

My favorite thing of all though is the fact that she poses for pictures. She knows when that camera is being used and she looks right at you with the greatest smile. Here are a few of her recent shots.

Happy 9 month birthday Lovey.

Love,
Mama

Buying and Selling Real Estate

Well. . .we have been back from Hawaii for about 72 hrs and my stress levels are equally as high if not higher than they were when we left. :( We are in the process of selling our house and buying a new home, which is a fixer upper and in a short-sale process. Lessons I have learned so far:

1. Never ever try to sell a house when you have a new baby and a dog, if you live in an area that requires your home to be picture perfect each day when you walk out the door. Move out before you sell it.

2. Selling a home is not a friendly process. It is every man and women for himself. Do not trust anyone.

3. Realtors only make matters more stressful. They don't take the time to understand the full situation. This creates the worst case of the old game"telephone" you can imagine. Meaning is lost along the way.

4. Do not hire a Realtor that sells everything in your area. Because he is selling everything in your area, he has no time for you--this is especially important if your home is not the most expensive property in the area.

5. Do every possible inspection known to man before buying a property. If you don't, it will come back to bite you in the end.

6. Never buy a short-sale property. The uncertainty of it is horribly frustrating, especially if you are a natural control freak.

7. Remember the advice of your elders who tell you. . ."I got divorced over a project like that." Do everything you can to ensure that doesn't happen.

8. Saying good-bye to your first real home is emotional. Let yourself mourn it for one evening. Then move forward.

9. Finding the strength to not lose yourself in the stress is difficult, but required, especially when you now have a family depending on you.

10. Having a vision of the future and knowing the good that will come out of the long road ahead is what will see you through the situation.

Chin up Shana. . .you've survived worse situations.

And as Derek continues to say. . ."This is for the good of our family."

We're out of our house as of this weekend. And we're off to Derek's moms probably through the end of the year. Wish me luck with the move; and look forward to the day when I invite you over to my new home.

Aloha

We are in Hawaii. This is day four. It really feels like day two though because the first two days were filled with traveling. Friday we flew out here. Maren did a pretty good job on the flight. She would have done a better job if the flight crew didn't love speaking on the loud speaker so much. So she only slept for the first thirty minutes and then she was a squirming little gal. But overall, she was good. And she became friends with a man sitting across from us. He loved her and she loved him. That was fun to watch.

Maren was asleep by 5:45 that night; and mom and dad were crashed out by 6:45. That led to an early morning wake up from the little gal. It was raining until about 10:30 that morning. And we checked out of our hotel at 12:00 to then load up at Costco and then pick my mom and run up at the airport. Then we headed to the other side of Kauai to Princeville. This is where we are staying the rest of the week. We were all beat by then so it was an early night again.

Yesterday we headed to the Wailua River area and took a boat ride to the Fern Gratto. Maren loved watching everyone on the boat and crashed out as soon as we hit the Fern Gratto and all the way back to shore. She had too much fun on the ride there. And after that we headed to what is called the queens bath. The signs heading down the path said Treacherous, proceed at your own risk. So, Derek, Ron and I hit the trail while mom and Maren stayed behind. It was a pretty scary trail. It was wet and slick with rocks and a pretty sloped decline down to the area. And once you make it down the hill there is a sign pretty much saying people have died, watch out because the waves can take you away. And when we finally made it there I could completely understand. Yet there were still crazy people getting in there. There is no way on earth. I told Derek as we were heading down, if I fall and may die. Don't come after me. Maren needs you. Lovely thoughts to have on a vacation, but you never know. And at the end of the day mom and Ron were kind enough to take care of Maren so Derek and I could grab a bite to eat together. So, we headed to a local Sushi restaurant in Hanalei called Dolphins. It was nice to have some time to ourselves. Thanks mom and Ron!

Day 4 started with Maren up at 4:30 am. We will see what the rest of the day has in store for us.

Halloween

Maren is in love with her little Giraffe Sophie. It is sadly the Bay Area toy to have, which I'm not always a fan of, but there is truly something about this thing that she can't get enough of, so we decided Maren should be Sophie for Halloween.

We spent the morning at a little Halloween brunch with a group of friends with young children. We tried to line them all up on the couch to get a shot of all of them. They were not having it. So, we tried to throw the moms into the mix and it was still madness.

That evening we headed over to Sara and Jon's for some pizza --our staple food at the moment--and did a little trick-or-treating with Leyna and Hudson. That didn't last long though. Maren was ready for bed after about 3 houses.

And these other shots are from Maren's little trip the weekend before to Half Moon Bay. Half Moon Bay is known for the pumpkins; and they have amazing pumpkin patches there. My mom flew up for a short little visit with my brother, so they met us there.

Flashback becomes reality

Hey ladies. . .remember the big hair days of the 80's and early 90's, the toxic smell of the chemicals you placed on your hair to achieve the ultimate curl. Don't let anyone tell you the perm is out. I've brought it back. Don't ask me what got into me, but I was super tired of my hair and everything else about the 80's has come back, so I decided to bring the perm back. I haven't exactly mastered styling it yet. I'm a bit of a frizzy mess, but I have confidence I'll be back into the swing of things shortly. I actually really like it. And as soon as I get a chance, I'll take a picture of myself and post it. Until then, I leave you with this.

Happy 8 mo. birthday baby girl

Today is Maren's 8 month birthday. It is amazing how fast time flies by. Before I know it, she is going to be a year old.

Things I like to do at 8 months:
- Play with my giraffe.
- Chew on anything I can get my hands on.
- Grab anything remotely close to me.
- Scoot on my belly backwards
- Babble, babble, babble
- Jump around in my exersaucer
- And push any button, especially on cell phone or remote controls.
- Last but not least, never leave home with out my passy.

Man am I behind!

I admit it, I have been absolutely terrible about the blog since my return to work. I have not had a single post. But it was one year ago that I started the blog, so I've decided now is a great time to try to get back into the swing of things. Part of the problem is I'm on a computer all day long at work; and the thought of getting back on the computer just is not something I want to do when I'm at home. And I always feel pressure to make sure I include a picture, which I really should be doing, but I don't have them on my work computer. And the best time for an update is on my bus ride home from work. So here I am on the bus, with no pictures, but finally getting back into the swing of things.

What have the Lindgrens been up to the last 3 months? A whole lot!

July:
I started work and it was a total nightmare. I came back to a complete reorganization of my division, many people that I had worked with for years left the company and there was more work than I could imagine to get done. I was not ready to dig back in on that level. I had a few days of tears at work; and thankfully was able to find a better position for me. I have moved over into our HR department. This is unfamiliar territory for me. I'm use to being on the business side of things, but they wanted to bring someone in that understood the company and could help them get things done. And that's me! The best part of it all is I am only working four days a week. This is life changing; and if you have an ability to do it, I highly recommend it.

August:
- I had a birthday. I think I turned 32 (I'm having a hard time remember how old I am these days.) It was relatively uneventful. We drove from Orange County to Oakland. We were actually at a wedding that weekend, so we had something else to celebrate. It was the wedding of our good friend that introduced us, Susie Vaks. It was a Persian wedding; and I loved experiencing a different culture's approach to marriage and a wedding ceremony. It was a beautiful event; and we experience so many new and amazing foods. It was a two day event. There was a traditional ceremony on Friday night at her parent's house and then an American style reception on Saturday. We had a ton of fun. We stayed out until 4am on Saturday. I can't believe I made it that long. My mom watched Maren, which was awesome. But it made for a tough Sunday. We were up at 9:00 and back with Maren at 12:00. And she was ready to play with mommy and daddy.

- During the month, Maren became really good at sitting up on her own.

September:
- Over Labor Day weekend we went to Corcoran. My grandma Gibb's and aunt Tammy were visiting from Arkansas. It was really good to see them. But, it was also hard because Alzheimers is really effecting my grandmother. But she was able to spend time with her brother and sisters; and her sister-in-laws. She really enjoys remembering the past, so they are the best people for her right now. She did remember me. And she knew I had a baby, but she kept calling Maren my little boy no matter how many times I told her she was a girl. And I even tried to solidify that thought by reminding she was named after her (her middle name). But it never stuck. I know deep down in that frail little body is the grandmother I have loved dearly for so many years. And I know deep down she hasn't forgot all the special times we have shared together. Unfortunately we all decided it was a tough trip on her and she likely will not be able to travel again. So, we'll just have to start visiting Arkansas more often.

- I also saw a few good friends from high school while in Corcoran. Melinda is about to have her first child; and she had a babyshower that weekend. Jamie and her daughter Lexi attended, as did Paula and her family. Jamie and Lexi joined us for a family BBQ at my dad's after the party. It was really great to spend some time with her and catch up.

- Maren is still without a tooth. She drools and drools and drools, but still no tooth. And she has learned to clap to a little song the nanny sings, but for some reason she won't do it when I sing it. Derek says it's because it's in spanish and I have a terrible white person accent when trying to speak spanish.

- My mom came to visit us on a business trip; and Derek and I had a much needed night out. We had been counting down the days to finally seeing a movie. We haven't seen one since Maren was born, but when it came down to it, we thought we'd fall asleep watching a movie, so we went to dinner instead.

- And to end the month, Derek started a new job at Wells Fargo. He is now the Vice President of Database Marketing. We are very proud of him. We have had a conscious role reversal when it comes to our working lives. He is now slammed with work; and I'm letting things ride.

October:
We've lost or minds. We are selling our house and buying a money pit. It is about five streets over from our current house and more than double in size. It is basically un-liveable at the moment. And it is a short sell, so it likely will not close until December. In the meantime, our house went on the market last week. Do you know anyone that wants a two bedroom one bath home that is way too expensive for the size home you get? If so, let me know. I'll be happy to sell it to them. And for those of you that have never seen our home, you can check it out here. I worked very hard to make it look like this with a child and a dog living in the house.
Current House:
http://www.grubbco.idxre.com/idx/PhotoTour.cfm?cid=42&pid=40433067&bid=1&pt=SFR&actv=0

Last weekend, October 10th, Maren had her first plane ride. And she was such a good girl on the plane. She is like her mama and went right to sleep. Her parents on the other hand were total rookies at flying with baby. It's going to take some time getting use to that. While we are at the airport, Derek said we're only taking road trips for the next few years. When landing on the plane, he said, this is so much better than driving. So, who knows what our destiny holds for us, but I know we are for sure getting on a plane in three weeks to head to Hawaii. We flew down to the OC for another wedding. Niki is also Persian, so we got to experience the amazing ceremony; and we had a much better view at this wedding, so I was really able to see everything that was happening. It was beautiful. And this time, we were home by 1:00, but we were still dead tired yesterday and wanted to go to bed at 8:00 last night. But, we stuck it out until 9:00 because it just didn't feel right going to bed that early.

Maren desperately wants to crawl, but she just can't quite figure it out. When we were at the airport, there was a little boy crawling around and she was talking to him and loved watching him crawl around. She has a good backward push going on right now though.

So that's the update from the Lindgren crew. I promise to post pictures shortly.

Back to the Real World

Maren's first beach experience

Look closely. . .the black blur is Griffin running like the wind up and down the beach.

Griffin thought this vacation was all about him.

So. . .today ends my second day of being back to work. This is how I feel about work: lost, confused, saddened, disappointed, but happy to see old faces and catch up. I can do without the actual work piece of it though. But, I must find a way to rediscover my passion. We'll see how long that takes. Meanwhile, Maren is doing fabulous. She loves Maritza, her nanny. I think she has a great time with her; and she has been full of giggles and smiles when I've walked in the door. Having Maritza and knowing Maren is being well cared for has made this transition 100 times easier than I expected it to be. She is the only shining light in this situation.

But. . .enough of the woe is me. Prior to D day, we spent 4 days in this tiny town called Anchor Bay, population 146, in Mendocino County. I loved it. We were totally removed from the craziness. We stayed in this fantastic B and B. It is called the North Coast Country Inn. If you have the opportunity to head that way, I highly recommend it. It was so peaceful there. I would love to spend a ton of time there. The property is beautiful. It is across the street from the ocean. It felt very private; and the breakfast was amazing. And while there was no phone, cell phone reception, internet access of television (I was a little paranoid when finding this out upon arriving) I loved every minute of being totally disconnected. I challenge each of you to try it for 2 days. (Sadly. . .I didn't take a single picture of the property. I am seriously lame on that front.)

Oh. . .and a side note. This was Griffin's first and last hotel/B&B experience. I don't think he is cut out for the vacation life. We need to be totally out in the wilderness on our own for her to tag along again. And another side note, we stopped off in Petaluma and took Griffin to this place that lets dogs herd sheep. I think he thought he had died and gone to heaven. That was a great thing to watch; and we do hope to take him back there.

To Facebook or not to Facebook - That is the question

Ok. . .I took the plunge. I signed up for Facebook. I have been completely anti for quite some time, but now it is almost more annoying that so many people ask me why I'm not on Facebook. So, I decided to set up an account. Now I no longer have to answer that question. I'm still on the fence on how active of a participant I will become. No offense to the world, but I don't care if you're stuck in traffic right now or you feel fat today or whatever it is that you randomly post on there. (And don't get me started on Twitter because I really can't stand that technology.) I also think it is a false way of connecting with people. Sure there will be a few friends that you really lost contact with and this provides you an opportunity to reconnect. But lets be honest, there is a reason you did not stay in contact with a vast majority of these people. So, why are you now inclined to read their info? If you were really a friend, you would have stayed in touch.

I feel like an old lady saying these things; and if I were my boss I'd probably fire me for not being on top of our competition, but I know what they are up to from an advertising standpoint, I don't feel I need to be a participant.

So reluctantly. . .I am now on Facebook.

2 weeks left

Today marks the two week count down before I head back to work. I can't believe it. The time has gone by so quickly. And I honestly thought I would be ready to head back to work. But I can say there is no part of me that wants to go back. I do miss adult interaction and using my brain more than I've been using it, but that's about it. And I'm sure I'm perfectly capable of finding both somewhere else. I think what is adding to my lack of desire to return is the fact that it is unclear what the job is I will be returning to. Many things have changed while I've been away. I think the uncertainty of all of it is just making it seem very stressful. I may or may not have the same job. I may or may not continue working out of the San Francisco office. I haven't received confirmation I can work from home on Fridays, but it is an absolutely must with my nanny situation. I hate thinking about all of this.

Thoughts that run through my mind. . .
1 Maybe I can be a stay at home mom. This thought is quickly challenged as soon as I think of how on earth we'd pay our bills if I didn't work. It would require a major change in lifestyle and probably moving out of the state or back somewhere near where I grew up.
2. Maybe we should just move. This thought is also challenged as soon I think about how on earth we would ever be able to sale our current house in the bad real estate market.
3. Maybe I'll change jobs. Yeah. . .not an option. No one is hiring.
4. Maybe I should just get pregnant again so I can go on maternity leave all over again. (This is looking like my best option.) hahaha. My body is definitely not ready for this. My hernia is still pretty large and I feel more and more like an old lady every day. And I think this wouldn't go over so well at work.

On a positive note. . .my nanny quit. But, I'm perfectly satisfied with that because I have found a new nanny that is wonderful. She had her first day today so she and Maren can get to know one another before she is full time with her. Maren will be spending Mon-Thur with Maritza. Maritza has two teenage children, tons of experience and is just great. And she speaks Spanish. So, I've got to break out my Roseta Stone so my child and husband can not have conversations with one another about me in Spanish. That will be my goal over the next year, learn Spanish.

So with that. . .I will suck it up and find a way to rediscover my passion for the office. Or if you live in a fabulous area, can hire me for a part time job and somehow know a way to get my house sold. Please contact me.

Father's Day

Derek had his first Father's Day. We spent the morning together and then he headed out with my dad, brother and a friend to the golf course for the afternoon. And Maren and mommy went shopping for a dress to wear to her college reunion that doesn't show all the weight she needs to lose.

A Weekend Away

This past weekend I was in Palm Springs for 24hrs with a few of my girlfriends. It was my friend Susie's bachelorette party. Susie introduced Derek and I so she holds a special place in our heart. She is marrying a fantastic guy at the end of July and we couldn't be happier for her.

I had so many mixed feelings going into the weekend.
1. How can I leave her?
2. Will Derek be able to handle it?
3. I can't wait to have some time on my own.
4. I will be able to sleep through the night.

The list goes on and on. So the weekend went like this.

I got Maren up, dressed, fed and packed for a day trip to Folsom for her cousin Jason's 1st birthday. Dad and Maren were out the door at 10:00. I quickly dressed, packed and then had a bit of quality time with Griffin up in the hills before heading to the airport. (That was a serious reminder that I am completely out of shape. I was in better shape at 7 months pregnant than I am now.) As soon as I arrived at the airport, the tears began streaming down my face. I pulled it together upon arrival to Palm Springs.

That night, we had an awesome dinner at a great hotel and then some traditional bachelorette entertainment post dinner, lets just say I spent the remainder of the evening locked in a bathroom with a few friends frightened by what was taking place in the other room. At 1:30 things were beginning to settle down and I laid my head on the pillow for what I thought would be a fabulous night of sleep, nevermind the fact I was on a air mattress with a friend. Unfortunately, my lovely night of sleep didn't go as planned. I was up at 3:30 ready to hear a little cry and heat a bottle and again at 6:45. It was like clock work. I forced myself to stay in bed until 7:45 and then finally got up. After breakfast and chit chatting about the night, we each headed our own way home; and once again I found myself sitting in the airport crying. This time, I was a wreck. I spoke with Derek and he didn't think he was going to make it home before I got there. (He was attending another cousin's 1 yr b-day on Sunday). It made me so sad to think they wouldn't be there when I got home. All I wanted to do was hold Maren. So, I called Derek back in tears and asked him to hop in the car right then so they would make it. And thankfully when I drove up to the house, the car was in the garage and I couldn't have been happier.

While it was great to be with girlfriends, it was incredibly difficult to be away. However, I was thrilled about the fact that Derek and Maren had a great weekend together and she hardly missed mommy.

Photos from the Archive

Ok. . .I've been quite behind with downloading pictures off the camera and uploading to the blog. So this post is dedicated to photos over the last few months. This one is a shot of Maren on a road trip with daddy to her cousin's 1st birthday.

Celebrating another cousin's birthday, Sara 10 yrs old, at the Elephant Bar.

At yoga class with her new best friend Serena, her nanny share partner.

Family photo time on Mother's Day.

Me, mom, Maren and Jody on Mother's Day

Me and my baby girl on Mother's Day

Peyton and Maren on a visit with the Maxfields

Tucker and Jamie Maxfied, friends of many years meeting Maren.

Visiting my Grandma Roark at her nursing facility

Grandma holding Maren for the first time.

New Maren Photos

I just received these and love them. We did a second round of photographs intended to look like it was all from the same session. This is Derek's Father's Day gift. So, it was suppose to be a session with just the two of them, but the photographer decided to throw me into a few too. I didn't exactly prepare for that, so I don't love my shots. But who cares. . .she steels the shot anyway.

Go to: www.collages.net
under guest dialogue box put:
username: Lindgren 2
password: 5109

Enjoy!

Shana

Good Bye May

Ok. . .May went by just as quickly as April, but thankfully with a bit less emotion.

It started out with first Mother's Day. It was a really strange feeling to think of myself as a mother on that day. I think at times I have a hard time associating myself with the concept of mom, but with each day I feel more and more like a mom. We had our mother's over and Derek made breakfast for all of us. Jody and Derek's sister Kerri and the girls were with us too. It was a really nice day. And Derek and Maren got me a beautiful necklace to help me remember the day forever.

The night before Mother's Day, my mom watched Maren and Derek and I had a little date night. We went to a great restaurant in Oakland. Our reservation was at 8:15 and as much as I enjoyed being out alone with Derek, all I could think about was going home and getting in bed. It was really sad. Hopefully I'll have a bit more energy for our next date night.

Next. . .our house was under construction for 2.5 weeks. That was a total disaster. Maren, Griffin and I all had to be out of the house. I think Griffin had the hardest time with it. Towards the end, I just couldn't take leaving the house anymore, so we would hang around the house as long as we could before it got too loud. But, with every noise that was made, Griffin would go around barking at the floor (work was being done on our foundation). Thankfully Derek's mom, Kathi let us all come over and hang out at her house. The one down fall to this was I was without internet the entire time. The great part about it was Maren and both had great naps each day while we were there. We did have one little adventure to Stockton to visit a great friend from college, Ann, and her daughter Carly. While we were there we went to story time at the library and Maren loved watching all the kids and listening to the stories. We had a great time in Stockton! But, lets hope we don't have to go through anymore construction. It ended as all construction projects end. . .taking twice as long and costing twice as much as originally quoted.

In the middle of all of this, we had our second wedding anniversary, May 19th. It was on a Tuesday. Kerri watched Maren for us and we headed out to dinner at a local restaurant we hadn't previously tried. Apparently they are known for their duck, so Derek had the duck. I can't say I'm a fan of duck, so I passed on it and had quail. The meal was fantastic. The wine was amazing; and we had a really nice time together. Thankfully we both made it through dinner without yawning. :) We were actually the last ones to leave the restaurant. It was on this day that I was finally able to give Derek the professional photos I had taken of Maren and I. We shot them a month prior and it was killing me not to show them to him. They turned out so well. If you haven't seen them, take a look here.

1. Go to: www.collages.net
2. under guest dialogue box put:

• username: Maren
• password: 5109

And then we move on to the great nanny hunt. Wow. . .what a wild process. We started out thinking we were going to get a nanny to watch Maren on her own. After a bit of research and one interview, we quickly realized it was going to cost as much as our mortgage to do that. So, then I started looking into nanny shares and it turned out a mom in my yoga class was doing the same thing. We connected and everything started to fall into place from there. We received great recommendations from friends and neighbors on nannies and started the joint interviewing process. I felt like I was back at work going through all of it. And after a few emotional break downs and some great advice from my dear friend Jamie, we finally settled on things on Friday. I'm really happy with our decision; and I'm thrilled to have it out of the way.

Now. . .I can sit back and enjoy a lazy June with hopefully a lot less activity and more simple mommy and Maren time. Because this is our last month before I'm back to work.

And I know it's lame I haven't posted pictures. I've got a ton of them, I just need to download them and I've been lazy about that. I promise to get on it soon.

Where did April Go?

My last post was on April 1st. I can describe the month with two words: overwhelming and emotional. And that is why I just couldn't bring myself to keep up with the blog. I'm hoping I'm back on track though. So. . .what happened in April?

It started with a trip to Tahoe. The first road trip with baby can always be a bit overwhelming. You're not sure what you will need, so you end up packing everything under the sun. It was a good weekend. But, it was a quick reality that life is not the same. And I knew it wasn't going into the situation, but it wasn't until I was in the moment that I knew how I'd feel about it. It was sort of a saying good-bye to my previous reality.

When we returned from Tahoe, Derek got the flu and was sick for a solid week. He was under quarantine at the front of the house and Maren and I were at the back of the house. I was on 24x7 every day because we didn't want the baby to get sick. It was a hard week. That weekend was Easter and we had planned to drive to the OC to spend it with my mother. I told Derek I had to go even if he was too sick. I would go without him because I wanted to be with my mom so I could have a small break. He didn't want me driving alone, so he bucked up and headed down there with me. It was a great weekend and it felt so good to be around my mom and know that Maren was in good hands as I caught up a bit on sleep.

While Derek was sick, we called the pediatrician to see what could be done to help her from catching the flu. They said the best thing for her was breast milk. So, the issue of breastfeeding resurfaced. And I was back on a mission to make it work. This began a long line of appointments with accupunturist, chiropractor, doctor etc. I had to drink terrible drinks with Chinese herbs, baking soda and water, liquid iron, dark beer. . .it goes on and on. Nothing was really helping though and my frustration and disappointment began to mount.

During this time, I also discovered the reason my belly was still quite big is because I have an umbilical hernia, which basically means my abdominal muscles are unable to come back together; therefore, my organs are falling forward. This led to more doctor appointments. My case is pretty severe and should most likley be treated with surgery, but I've decided to try to solve the problem with physical therapy before going under the knife.

These things have led to feelings of sadness and anger towards my body. I feel like I'm broken and it was been a hard struggle trying to overcome these feelings. I had a long cry last Sunday, which I think was good for me; and this week has been a much better week. I've decided I'm cutting back on the appointments. I'm letting go of breastfeeding and I'm going to focus on Maren and the two months I have with her before returning to work.

Which leads me to another focus that started at the end of April, the search for a nanny. How do ever find someone that you trust with your child? A person that, much to my sadness, will spend more hours with my child than me. We have our first interview tonight. We'll see how that goes. My guess is it is going to lead to another round of very strong emotions. I think going back to work is going to be incredibly difficult for me. But it is something that is needed for now.

The month ended with the death of my cousin Nancy. She died of a pulmonary embolism. It was sudden and very sad.

So on that note. . .I'm saying good-bye to April. I'm welcoming May with open arms. I'm pulling myself out of mode of depression over my body. And I'm just going to enjoy every moment I have with Maren.

And Happy 1st Mothers Day to Me. I know everyone that is a mother already knows this, but something indescribable changes within you when you become a mom. And as I watch this precious little being sleep next to me, I can't imagine anything more special or rewarding

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there.

Adventures with Maren

She has been sleeping for an hour. I've gotten dressed, did some laundry, paid a few bills and had some lunch. She's still sleeping. . .few. So, now I have some time to update the blog.

Maren and I have been going on little adventures the past two weeks during the day. I have to be honest, I was terrified to go anywhere with her on my own. It required a scheduled appointment to actually get me out of the house. The first adventure was on the 19th. We had a full afternoon. We were going to my office for lunch in San Francisco and then heading to my facial appointment. I think she knew I was nervous about this because she cooperated so well. Everything was timed just right and we made it out the door on time. She was fantastic with everyone at the office and didn't make a peep while we were there. They were very impressed and I was wondering if this was really my child. :) She was a little fussy at the facial, but that was ok. She was hungry. Since that day went so well, we decided to go have lunch with my friend Megan the next day. That was also a success. She slept the entire time. After those two outings, my confidence is up and we try make it out of the house once a day.

One thing I have discovered through these adventures is my stroller is not always the best. I have the BOB stroller. On many fronts, it is fantastic; however, it's big and bulky. So, it is too big to maneuver in some places. I've decided to break down and buy another stroller to help with this situation. Our adventure yesterday was hitting the baby store to make that purchase. I also picked up a travel crib and car bottle warmer. We're headed to Tahoe this weekend and then down to Orange County the following weekend. Keep your fingers crossed that these big adventures go well.

A few photos of Maren

Happy Birthday Derek

I'm so far behind with blog posts. It's difficult to find a spare minute for entries. But this one is needed.

Derek's birthday was on Thursday, March 26th. Happy 32nd B-day baby! He worked from home and spent the day preparing our backyard for a BBQ we held on Saturday. And on Thursday night we went out for a great dinner at a local restaurant that we love. Sara watched Maren and it was really nice for the two of us to get out of the house and spend some time with one another. Thank you Sara.

--On the back yard front, we had turf installed. It is fantastic and looks great. I highly recommend it. It requires no maintenance and has a 25 year life span. It's a little pricey, but if your yard isn't gigantic, I encourage you to look into it. And we purchased patio furniture. Derek found this little local company online and it turns out the owners live in our neighborhood and have connected us with a baby-sitting coop that has been around for 40 yrs in our little community. Yeah!!--

As for the BBQ, I think everyone had a great time. I was in charge of taking pictures and typical to my usual picture taking approach, I took zero photos. It's really sad. I've got to start being better about that. My excuse though is that I had the baby in my arms and when I didn't I was either eating or getting things for people. Thankfully Derek realized I had failed with my task and he snapped a few shots. We took on the task of supplying all the food, which is how we usually handle things, but we've decided now that we have Maren, it's potluck time. Derek did the vast majority of the work and thankfully my dad and Jody were here to help him.

And today is Jody's final day in Oakland. We'll be sad to no longer have him close by, but he's doing what is right for him and will enhance to career. Good luck Jody!

Here are a few photos of the BBQ and updated shots of Maren. (I'm posting this without the photos because the battery on my camera has been dead for a few days and I keep forgetting to charge this. I wrote the blog post on Sunday and it keeps sitting here waiting for photos. I'll add the photos shortly. The battery is now charging.)

Maren's Firsts

Maren's First Day Home Alone With Mom (Mar 9th)

Maren's First Bath (Mar. 7th)

Pre- First Bath (Mar 7th)

Maren's First Doc Appt. (Feb 20th)

These are a few shots of Maren's first experiences. We're having a lot of fun getting to know one another and experiencing all of these new exciting things together. We were at the pediatrician yesterday and she's finally gaining weight like she needs to. She's up to 9 lbs. I'm starting to see the beginnings of a little fat roll on her leg. Too cute.